It all started with the banishment. After being driven from Eden, eternity and glory were just out of reach. Even so, life was good. Until my brother Havel grew up. Then the destiny none had anticipated became my reality. I am Kayin, the first murderer. And this is my story.
The Wanderer Scorned presents the story of Cain and Abel (Kayin and Havel) from Cain's point of view – no one has done this before! It is a story of the journey from faith to doubt and from love to hatred, challenging us all to consider our walk before God. It contains poetry and songs as well as dramatic prose, and the songs are available to listen to on my website!
My reviewers all love the entwining of prose, poetry and song and the bringing to life of ancient Bible times (from a Creationist perspective.)
The serpent is also a key player and the way he represents Kayin's temptation is particularly poignant.
The following extract is taken from a conversation between Havel and Kayin:
‘Do you remember the time when I was little, and I bit Chayyim for taking my place on the ground?’ Havel asked with a smile. I did remember and, despite my bad mood, I smiled at the memory. ‘You asked me then who the ground belonged to, and I confessed it belonged to Elohim. It is the same with our skills. Everything belongs to Him.’
Was Havel suggesting I wasn’t allowed to own my skill – that I shouldn’t take pride in the one thing I was good at? If I didn’t own that, then I had nothing on which to base my confidence.
‘Aren’t I using my skill for His glory by providing for His people?’ I responded. ‘What else can I do?’
‘I’m not sure it’s all about what we do; more about why and how we are doing it.’
‘You’re questioning my motivations? Everything I do is for others. Am I not selfless enough for you?’
‘That’s not what I meant, Kayin. Let me give you an example from sheep – I’m better with sheep,’ he grinned. ‘When a lamb is born, it is totally dependent on its mother. It needs her for everything: milk, care, warmth. Yet as the lamb grows, it becomes more independent. At that point, what happens? It begins to wander away. It decides to explore rather than keep its eyes on its mother. Then it starts to get into trouble – because the truth is, it is not yet old enough to leave its mother’s side.
‘We are a little like those lambs, Kayin. We are born reliant on our parents not just to care for us but to guide us. Although certainly capable of doing wrong, we instinctively trust what they tell us about our Creator. Yet as we grow, we become more independent. We may wander away, trust in ourselves when we are not yet trustworthy. We may do things in our own strength rather than relying on the one who created us to give us wisdom.
‘Elohim doesn’t want us to wander. Like a good shepherd, He desires to keep us safe. He wants to stop us from hurting ourselves in our bid for independence. He wants to keep us from walking dangerous paths. Sometimes, to do that, He will need to use His staff to bring us back in. Or even to discipline us.’
‘But what is the right path? How do I know if I have wandered from it?’
‘I’m not exactly sure. Perhaps the right path looks different for each of us, but we will not find it unless we allow Elohim to guide us.’
This was all very vague. I tried to think about what Havel was saying. In terms of my parents, it wasn’t I who had left: they had withdrawn from me. Yet, wasn’t he talking about Elohim? I didn’t think I had wandered away from Elohim either. He had never shown himself to me in the first place.
‘I have not tried to wander – if you would put it that way. If I have withdrawn, it is due to certain recent circumstances…’ I was thinking of my relationship with Abba. ‘…Due to the suffering and chastisement that I have endured.’
‘A lamb rarely tries to wander,’ Havel said quietly. ‘It happens when they take their eyes off their mother. Then, once they realise they are lost, they bleat loudly, calling for someone to help them.’
‘So I should bleat loudly?’
Havel laughed. ‘Yes!’
‘To whom?’
‘Your Creator, Yahweh! Tell Him your concerns and ask Him for His way to be made known. Trust Him that He cares for you and desires what is good for you.’
‘But I have no confidence that He does care!’ I felt unbidden tears well in my eyes. ‘He has shown me no favour! If He cares, why did He allow me to suffer so much? Why is He preventing me from fulfilling my purpose? How can I provide for everyone while confined to a chair?’
‘Chayyim has managed pretty well the last few weeks,’ Havel smiled.
‘Barely,’ I scoffed. ‘He needs you all to help him. I’m sure the crops will suffer from my neglect. How can you think my injury is good for us? Or for me?’
‘Because life is not just about food, Kayin! It is not just about providing for your family – much as we appreciate you doing so. I have a suspicion that life is not even about us, but that He made us for something bigger than ourselves. We were created for the Creator. He has purposes for us that go beyond the skills He has given us, and He desires to know each one of us. We just need to trust Him.’
‘Well, I am beginning to think the Creator made a mistake,’ I interjected angrily. ‘If He wants to know me so badly, if He wants me to trust Him, He should not have made me suffer!’